Theres a phone call from your friend of 13 years that you grew up with and she is pregnant and starting a family.
Looking at the calendar your reminded of the fact that your missing a best friends wedding. Why? Because of money.
I guess this is the first time I’ve really felt that strange emptiness of watching your friends grow in very specific ways in their lives and not being able to help feeling left behind and directionless. Where is my life going, exactly? Am I just too hard on myself?
I suppose when things like these happen I can’t help but to make it slightly about myself. Because as happy as I am about both of these and how much I love them immensely, we are all selfish I guess. It’s weird because I don’t have a strong desire to start a family or get married, but when the people you grew up with, literally or emotionally, start doing these things it makes you wonder what’s wrong with you for not wanting it too, I guess. For not dating every boy you meet, for not marrying the guy your mom pushes on you, and for not being interested in the things everyone else is. I sometimes (most times) wonder why I have this constant battle inside of being able to physically stay still while inside all I want to do is keep moving. Maybe that’s why I lasted as long as I did in Sweden, because I got to travel so much. I feel this incredible urge to move again and I just got here.
My skin feels restless. Everything happens for a reason. I’m tired of being poor.